Inma Peñaranda Luiz Zamorano y Luis Zamorano Jr

Y sembré con sus cenizas amor y humor para siempre…

11 de noviembre: paso a mi versión 5.6. Es mi cumpleaños y un día muy especial, pero no porque hoy cumpla 56 años. Lo es porque hoy es el día en el que voy a esparcir las cenizas de Luis, mi amado compañero de vida durante 31 años.

Murió el 8 de septiembre de 2010, hace más de 5 años. Él se fue pero quise que me acompañara, necesitaba de su presencia, necesitaba que fuera testigo de nuestro duelo: el de nuestro hijo y el mío. Un duelo que hoy quiero cerrar.

No tenía agenda, lo importante no era dónde ni cómo iba a ser el ritual -más allá de vivirlo con amor y alegría-. Luis y yo éramos amantes del directo y vivimos gran parte de nuestro camino juntos guiados por la improvisación; esta vez no iba a ser diferente. Antes de recoger a Iñaki, el amigo que me iba a acompañar, paseé con Shsasha, como cada mañana, buscando en mi meditación matinal una respuesta: ¿Dónde quiero esparcir las cenizas de Luis? Y seguía repitiendo mi mantra, “Om Shanti”, sin concretar un sitio.

Shasha y yo salimos hacia Esplugues a buscar a Iñaki, que nos esperaba con esa sonrisa suya que te hace abrirte a un gran abrazo. Gracias, le he dicho. Hacía un día de otoño soleado, con una temperatura muy agradable, y yo me sentía con la energía muy alta. Enseguida le solté: “No sé adónde ir, ¿se te ocurre algún lugar?” Iñaki es colombiano y tan sólo lleva tres semanas trasladado a  Barcelona… Se hizo un silencio. Y de pronto, sin más, con determinación, le dije: vamos al mar. La intuición, la improvisación el directo…

Puse la directa a mi utópica imagen del rompeolas. Nací muy cerca de allí  y me ha venido a la memoria como ese lugar único, donde tantas veces de niña había saltado de roca en roca, haciendo equilibrios, jugando con las olas del mar. Pero el rompeolas ya no existe: lo ha engullido la zona portuaria, donde están construyendo un nuevo muelle para recibir esos cruceros que nunca me han gustado. Andando desde el aparcamiento del Hotel Vela el rompeolas me parecía un lugar desconocido, desolador, con un montón de grúas y camiones cargados de piedras. “El sistema nos habla”, me comentó Iñaki. Así que los cuatro, después de un corto paseo, volvimos al coche.

El ritual había empezado. Iñaki llevaba su sagrada estola y Shasha corría a su lado. Yo llevaba las cenizas y sólo podía disimular lo pesadas que eran porque el recorrido era corto… Una vez en el coche, cómplices, nos lanzamos a buscar una escollera solitaria desde la que adentrarnos en el mar. Pero con el día tan mediterráneo que hacía había gente en todas partes. Nunca pensé que en un día  entre semana -hoy es miércoles-,  hubiera tantos pescadores y paseantes. Había incluso bañistas.  ¡Qué bien se vive en esta ciudad!

De pronto, a lo lejos, descubrimos una escollera que parecía solitaria. Pero, como ocurre en el desierto cuando crees que estas sólo en medio de la gran duna y empiezan a salir bereberes de todos los lados, nos  dimos cuenta de que no es el sitio solitario que buscábamos. En realidad, yo perseguía una idea clara: crear un instante de magia, en silencio, un acto íntimo en el que no participara nadie más que nosotros.

De vuelta al coche, en busca del lugar, Iñaki me sorprendió al decirme: “¡Fíjate, el sistema nos habla!” Y casi nos empotramos con el coche por mirar hacia donde señalaba: un “graffiti” que decía Amor Infinito. Intuitivamente giré a la derecha y leemos al instante una señal que indica: El parc de la pau. “¡Increíble!  El sistema nos está hablando otra vez”. Estábamos en el lugar, sin duda. Al bajar del coche,  leímos:  Aparcamiento para coches de servicios. “¡Claro, estamos de servicio funerario,  aparquemos aquí!”, dijo Iñaki divertido. Risas. Delante de nosotros, la desembocadura del Besós traía las aguas tranquilas. Se nos abrió el corazón y, sin más, empezamos a buscar un camino para llegar al punto en el que el río se une al mar. La vida me sonreía. Deseé que la corriente acompañe las cenizas de Luis al mar.

Y esta era la Odisea. Me vino a la memoria el gran sentido del humor de Luis: era muy alegre. Su espíritu estaba muy presente en todo lo que nos iba aconteciendo. La perra quería jugar y trataba de arrebatarle la estola que colgaba del cuello de Iñaki. Casi lo tira al suelo mientras yo busco la manera de llegar al islote de tierra, donde se une el río con el mar. Encontramos todo tipo de dificultades, que decidimos sortear como sea. Nos adentramos por un montículo de rocas, con grandes desniveles donde, por momentos, tuve que valerme también de las manos para avanzar. No podía conmigo y apenas con la pesada urna. Gracias al brazo de Iñaki, tambaleándome, como si nos hubiéramos hecho un botellón de buena mañana, conseguimos llegar a la desembocadura: nuestra tierra prometida.

Bonito lugar. Un espacio de tierra fina y resbaladiza, contrastado de verdes y al final, en la orilla, un gran  tronco. Nos sentamos, sudando, sedientos. Al sentarnos, el tronco se hundió hasta la mitad. Me descalzo para meter los pies en el agua. Por fin sólo se escuchaban nuestras risas nerviosas al notar que  todo se movía bajo nuestros pies. Este era el lugar y por fin estábamos solos. Eran las 12:40.

Shasha se puso a jugar y yo, descalza, abrí la urna y expresé mi gratitud a una vida juntos y llena de sentido. Fui amada y admirada por él. Pensé también en aquellas cosas que no pudieron ser, que fueron distintas  a lo que hubiésemos querido. He pedido perdón y he perdonado. Fue un momento de mucha paz. “Om Shanti”, otra vez. Inicié la acción de  esparcir, sembrando el río con la esencia de Luis, consciente  del momento de liberación y  del acto de profundo amor, de paz, de alegría. A la vez, Iñaki iba  dando  bendiciones y expresando agradecimientos… Fue tan especial,  tan fresco, tan liviano…

Iniciamos el camino de regreso siguiendo a Shasha y sentimos que salimos sin dificultad. De hecho, había  un acceso directo desde el aparcamiento a la desembocadura y yo no lo había sabido encontrar. Y sonreímos diciendo: “Bonita metáfora. Hemos tenido que hacer un camino difícil y pesado. Nuestra misión era llevar la esencia de Luis al Universo y éste nos ha puesto a prueba; sin embargo, el regreso, es un camino ligero y fácil.” Gracias Luis. Siempre estarás en nuestros corazones.

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